April 2015
First stop on the Daily Train was Virginia International Raceway for some sick drifting…in my minivan. We spent the morning sizing up the competition, if you could call it that. Bunch of poseurs. The pits quickly devolved into chaos as my boys proceeded to mock, taunt, and assault random drivers for their whackness.
I eventually had to pull one of my boys out of some guys LS-swapped Kia 240’whatever thing. He was apparently going to teach him how to drive like a man by running this shitbox into the nearest telephone pole.
Things were getting absolutely ridiculous, so we made a hard exit from the pits for some snacks and a nap. When my boys woke up and finished eating all the food inside this random white trailer we had some guy walk up to us and introduce himself. I can’t remember exactly but I think his name was Ryan Truck or something dumb like that.
Anyways, he said he heard about our minivan and wanted to know if we’d be interested in a trade. But after looking over his Corolla my sons were like, “Fool, please. We got plenty of hockey sticks at home already. Besides, this thing needs some more power. You should put a Ferrari engine in it or something, and stop being such a Punk.” He cried a little because the truth hurt, but told us he would.
Anyways there was only one car the whole day that the boys almost liked and that was only because it had the same engine as our van. But the boys really didn’t like the wallpaper. Who puts wallpaper in an engine bay?!
Oh, and in case you were wondering … we totally won the HyperFest 500 or whatever this dumb race was called. In fact we swept the whole podium, because minivan.